I was curious about what mom thought. I asked her, wondering what made her think again about Odai, after the glance of forty years ago.
‘Mom, what attracts you to Odai?’
‘Firstly, she was a beauty, having good background. The father of Tokukawa Iyeyasu, who was her husband was killed by his subject, due to his ferocious character.’
It was not what I expected as her answer. I told her what I searched through youtube about Odai’s checkered life .
‘Ah! I can’t remember it’ replied mom.
My preach continued, reciting the detailed description of her parents and their character in an unquenchable manner. Mom timidly expressed her ideas too but I regarded them as unwanted and unsatisfactory. I didn’t stop my recounting.
‘Gooya, I read it so long years before but could still remember a bit. I gotta go for dinner.’ She went out of the messenger room.
I haven’t lived my life as she wished me to. I live the life I wish to have. Even mom’s life is not what I wished her to live either. But what we both should admit is each of us live our lives in one’s own way to the utmost endeavors. Anyhow, I thought she was very cool whenever she cited her opinion in a forthright way, not being pedantic at all about the ancient scriptures and books after reading them. I could see her untrite insight and depth. I must have been determined today to hear from her the answer as good as I wished to hear and propelled her in that way. I also even without my knowing, ignored her. At the moment, the sharpness of my arrogance, having hacked mom and penetrating me, left me in collapsing sadness. Tears sprang to my eyes; I was bad and I did wrong.
On her daughter of fifty years old, uploading a mediocre drawing with the intention of cautious boasting, mom with her real heart rejoiced with it and boasted it as much as she wanted to other family members. In presence of her children, she never minds revealing her bared heart as naïve as a child. Of course, there are times when she is not like that. Ashamed, I felt an ache in the lower bottom of my heart.
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